We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
