Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
