i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
