Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
