you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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