you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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