I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
