she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
