I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
