Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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