hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
