"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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