She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
