You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
