in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
