no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
