my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
