you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
