If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
