I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
