Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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