I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
