If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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