i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
