he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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