remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
