fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
