The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
