we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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