Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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