I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
