so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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