good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
