At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
