we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
