I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
