sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
