I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
