she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
