You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
