you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
