come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
