I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
