and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
