I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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