If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
