when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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