therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
