almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
