It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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