can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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