new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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