spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
