he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
