I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
