i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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