i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dear god my vagina.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
