So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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