You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
