And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
